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Monday, March 7, 2022

Monday Evening Open Thread - Fictional Towns of the CW (formerly the WB) DEATH MATCH

Hope your Monday went smoothly. Tell us about it. Or just make stuff up, if that's your thing.

What do you want Backtalk Village to be? Picture your personal ideal of BTV. Now compare with a couple of TV lands that haven't been occupied for a while; Buffy theVampire Slayer ended in 2003, Gilmore Girls last had a mini in 2016. Let's look at the burgs where they lived and loved and lost. And then kill one of them. 


WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer lived here. And died here. And lived here some more before dying again. She got better.

vs.

Lorelai and Rory Gilmore lived here. The only vampires here are emotional vampires.

In the early aughts, the WB in their wisdom scheduled Gilmore Girls and Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the 7pm-8pm slots on Tuesday, I think, before the 9 o'clock news. I liked both shows, with some strong reservations, but I think I liked them because it was the only weeknight both my wife and I had off together. Another night and maybe it would have been Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill. (BTW, BtVS and Gilmore Girls are the only two CW shows of which I've seen the majority of episodes (est. 50%-75%))

Let's take a look at the towns. 

Sunnydale from BTVS:
  • Location - Somewhere, California. Always sunny and warm. T-shirts, light jacket at night.
  • Population - Mostly white, constantly dwindling. Victims and heroes only, please.
  • Character - Chatty, bantering, a bit obtuse, strong ability to ignore obvious threats. Weapons training a plus. No vampire dies without getting an earful of badinage. They usually beg for death to come quickly.
  • Entertainment - The Bronze. A magical all ages venue where everyone from Sunnyvale High congregates. Visits from Aimee Mann, Cibo Matto, Michelle Branch, Bif Naked. Ha, remember the music at the turn of the millennium?
  • Dangers - Vampires, demons, killer sex robots, etc., sudden betrayals by allies, maybe built over a Hellmouth. Bad boyfriends abound.
How SQRL would pitch the show to TV execs: "An endless D&D campaign wherein everyone has a unique ability to aid in the quest. The Dungeon Master is a bit of a dick. Think 'The Wizard of Oz with horny teens.'"

Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls:
  • Location - Somewhere, Connecticut. Perfect seasons, great foliage. Lands End and J.Crew-friendly.
  • Population - I think there are thirty people in the town? One Asian single tiger mom, one gay Black French stereotype. 
  • Character - The Banteriest Bantering Banterers who ever Bantered. Everyone has lines like extras in a 40s crime flick and are trying to fit 30 minutes of dialogue into 2. Hipster band names dropped every 15 minutes. Did I mention it's a sleepy little town? Eccentrics or recent asylum escapees are everywhere.
  • Entertainment - No music venue or any other kind of venue. There is a town troubadour in the square played by Grant Lee Phillips, recently arrived after the demise of Grant Lee Buffalo. Ha, remember the music of the early aughts?
  • Dangers - Nothing gets done ever. Talk talk talk like a BT open thread littered with references to Howl, Fatty Arbuckle, Young Marble Giants, Miss Havisham's wedding dress, etc. Overconsumption of coffee. Harmless eccentrics are one nic fit away from mass murder. Bad boyfriends abound.
How SQRL would pitch it to TV execs: "Like Schitt's Creek but with more dialogue and moving around, kinda like the L&O scenes where the cops are interviewing family members of the deceased. An endless dinner party with overeducated college dropouts now freelancing at Pitchfork Media or writing for an Aaron Sorkin project. Craft beers."

Which town do we kill? Where would you choose to live?

What other fictional town would you choose to relocate Backtalk Village?

 

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