July Rhymes with You Lie or To Die, Depending on Where You Live. OT Rhymes with Bowtie

[est. reading time: 20 seconds, est. writing time: 5 minutes, est. editing time: 0.5 minutes, proj. est. $ made: .0043 BlaurghBucks. some people call me the slapdash cowboy. come own come own, slap the pony. yeehaw.] 

FUN FACT: July is my least favorite month. August is also very bad. Parts of May and October are OK. The rest of the months are barely adequate. It's a BS month. And starting July off with a bang (as in bang bang, you're dead, democracy), I read the news today, oh boy. Someone give those six justices a raise. They're literally kingmakers. But on to more important BTV BS...

Look. I don’t know what anyone’s told you about posting open threads here. It’s fun and easy, and here’s the big secret the mods are keeping from you.

Sitting down?

Listening?

Got your full attention?

It’s profitable AF.

The site's owners are trying to keep the pool small, see? Like stocks or bitcoin, the more investors are involved the less BlaurghBucks there are to share, Snacks and Owl will have to decide when this thing calves. They're on a beach somewhere, probably drinking something with an umbrella in it, giggling at us toiling in the village while they try to pawn their knockoff Balenciaga handbags. The MODS WON'T TELL YOU THIS. THE MODS ARE THE MAN.

When you start posting OTs (after a six month mandatory probationary period) you can cash in all those upvotes and responses and favorites. My numbers are currently low, because I cashed it all in for a pony ride and a roll of 5-flavor LifeSavers. I wish they had other varieties, but that's OK. So what's stopping you? Fear? What are you afraid of? Money? Success? Ponies?

(I’m saving up for a cool used zippo like spaced99 has, but I’m really bad at saving. I've always been a grasshopper in a town full of ants. Only 4K upvotes or 7 responses + 2 favorites to go)

I’M ON A PONY RIGHT NOW YOU GUYS 

How do you make this thing go? Git git. Howdy. Yah. Whoa. Hi-yo Silver

Backtalk Village pony, Diazepam, but she doesn't answer to it or anything else for that matter.

 

Still! LifeSaver flavor is RED

Life is good

A bowl of cherries kinda life, friends

Pre-pitted, natch

So what’s keeping you from signing on to a day or two of Hosting an Open Thread and Spreading Joy?

OH NO my pony’s fallen down NO PONY NO

On top of my good arm and my sort of ok leg too

OH NO the next flavor is orange

That’s like the second worst flavor

After green although yellow is also very bad

OH NO here comes a mod 

Send help

I hate LifeSavers

S.O.S. MAYDAY MAYDAY (wearesoseriouslyfucked)