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| Tsu & Lu are huge fans of Altman, esp. M*A*S*H |
I haven't frequented any bars since the early 2010s. I used to go once a week to the local pub on Monday or Tuesday, when it's less busy at the bar, for some "adult time". Read a book, talk to my bartender friend, puzzle at the sports on the TV, maybe grab a sandwich or fries. A few of the customers were sometimes a tad too chummy, but mostly the atmosphere was chill. Most nights, the staff didn't even need to shout for last call. One of them would just whisper it to me.
In the summer of 2006 (IIRC), I had just sat down at the bar when my bartender friend said, "The Democrats are throwing a party tonight. You might not want to be here." I said I'd be fine, and just what in hell are they celebrating anyway? And besides, no one's afraid of democrats.
About half an hour later, I was neck deep in the GOP stereotype of the Democratic Party - a bunch of chardonnay sipping limousine liberals. I should've gone home. But if I don't catalogue odd, stray, tangential observations of weird human behavior at bars, who will? (One day I'll tell you about the first time I watched a pornographic film...* with a roomful of high school boys and oddly, uncomfortably, one of their girlfriends. (I should probably mention I was in high school at the time too.) I watched the first fifteen minutes and got bored. So I spent the next hour watching them watching porn. Why? Why do kids do this sort of thing together?)
Amid the revelry was a cartoon duo who were serving as factotums. From a distance they resembled Abbott & Costello, minus the suits, corny jokes, and slapstick; on closer inspection the taller and thinner of the two was a twin of actor Scott Coffey, and the short, pudgy one was what might result if you crammed Claude Raines and Peter Lorre into the same telepod chamber. Coffey would interrupt the organizer, a well-dressed, well-bred, bleached blond woman, to ask where to put the extra chairs and signage and buttons, name tags, etc... I'll call her Pam. In a heartbeat, Pam goes from polite chuckles and flirty chatter while carousing with her fellow dems to disdainful silence and angry smiles when bothered by the help. Coffey acts the lickspittle, and once Pam replies, he goes to Claude/Peter and barks orders at him. Raines-Lorre is at the bottom of the heap. I feel a measure of pity for him but despise him a little too. Can't help it.
They also don't seem to be included as guests and have to buy their own drinks. Claude/Peter inquires about various mixed drinks before making his decision.
"A Bloody Mary. No vodka," he mumbled.
The bartender, sphinx-like, leaned on the bar towards him and confirmed, "Virgin."
Shocked, C-P spluttered. "A non-alcoholic Bloody Mary is a Virgin Bloody Mary," said the bartender. The poor idiot thought he was being called a virgin. Bartender is a photographer, and when I went to his gallery opening a year and a half ago, he and I shared a laugh about it.
Here's a quick illo of the moment. I'm not drawing the crowd, sorry:
Well, that was another post about damn near nothing at all. I guess if there's a point to make, it would be: GO VOTE for the least bad choice, please. Like every election in my adult life, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION EVER. Somewhat facetious, but it is important, and in a functional democracy, really the very least you can do. Most of the dems suck, but for the most part aren't trying to take people's rights away.
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| Feel free to photocopy and post in your neighborhood |
But yes, please tip your servers well if you're comfortable heading back out to bars and restaurants. They put up with a lot.
* which I seem to have now done, the basic story anyway, and will therefore never have to bring up again. Hurrah.
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