REAL LIFE HORROR STORIES for Real People in the Real World – OT2: Eclectic Bugaboo

Good Wednesday, grownups. At this point, it seems clear that were a zombie apocalypse to somehow occur, that news would prompt us to horde toilet paper. We are a stupid species, and I would root for the zombies, or I should say "Life-impaired Anthrophagous-Americans". Sorry, death-challenged bipedal mammals. In an apocalypse, I'm throwing you off the Village wall parapet first opportunity I get.

I'm speaking of course about the dock workers strike*, frightening the nervous herd's natural instinct for squirreling away paper goods. It is inconvenient to run out, true. All the assurances given by the government and economists don't amount to much when you're sitting in the worst stall in world's worst public bathroom with nothing but an empty roll**. But having a metric ton back home won't save you right then either. Just hop in the shower if you're at home. Deal with the problem by buying some, but not all of them.

I'm talking about weird, inexplicable fears. Such as; when I was about ten, I kept imagining a dwarf under the bed trying to clip the tendons in my ankles and soles. Slept with socks on because socks are stronger than a tree pruner, right? Then there's ice skating. People speeding in circles with knives on their feet, what can possibly go wrong? Severed fingers, gouged eyes, skate gangs. That's what.

Any irrational fears you want to share? Fear of another Orange Regime is not irrational at all. That asshat will fuck shit up for everyone right away or if you're lucky, eventually.

* friends are like, "Would you STFU about stevedores and longshoremen already?" And I'm like, "Actually stevedores ARE longshoremen." It's not paranoia if you make them want to kill you.

** there's a word for it: acartohygieiophobia. There's also "endrollphobia," coined by an internet comic genius, but that one makes me irrationally hate the internet. That's a different post.